If you know me, then you know that I am not much of a follower in any area of my life. I had a conversation with a young man last year in which he was going on and on about ranks, and authority, and submission, all allegedly important understandings of how the Kingdom of God works. He was proud of his credentials as a Bible teacher, but frankly, I had never read such a thing in the important parts of the Book that count.
However, to humor him I said something like, “Okay, I don’t agree that there are ranks in the Kingdom, but if there are ‘I’m a general,’ what rank are you?” You see, if I don’t have a sarcastic sense of humor, I hardly have any sense of humor at all. I guess I once again flunked the “speaking the truth IN LOVE” test, because he was stunned into silence.
So suffice it to say, being an arrogant, self-confident (also frequently self-righteous) know-it-all doesn’t make for much of a follower. Yet, I keep praying this dangerous prayer, “Thy will be done.” This prayer is dangerous because it means I have suspended my need for everything to work out all right, in MY opinion. You see, when it comes to God’s will there is only one opinion that counts, His. Wrestling with angels is not my idea of fun. However, if you are a conniving son of a gun like Jacob, you might not have any alternative but to wrestle and wrestle with all of your strength.
You see, sometimes the wrestling is God’s will! And so I wrestle on. Trying to understand. Trying to ease the pain of loneliness and hurt with the search for an antidote to the human condition. I must bear witness: Jesus Christ, and Him crucified is the antidote. A foolish answer to serious problems. Yet, He is the only answer.
As for me, if he says go, then I am going! If he says wait, I’m going to be very hard to move. If we are in a boat and He says, step out on the water, then out of my way, I’m going over the side! When things are good, I’ll say yes. When things are bad, I’ll say yes. When life has become a string of the same-old, same old, I will say yes. Yes to Jesus, Yes to pain, Yes to suffering and Yes to trials and temptations.
I have a good reason. He saw my condition and took pity on me and provided me a way out of my mess. So I will also say Yes to life, and life more abundant. And to peace, joy, love, kindness and all the rest of those things that are completely absent in me but only dwell within my soul because of the work of the Spirit. And so, I say, once again, “Here I am, Lord Jesus. Take me, spend me, use me, all to your glory and honor.” Amen.
). Of course, it takes time for new ways of doing things to rise above the old ways. This is the way it is with the “normal” way of doing church. But I am getting a glimpse of a “new” way and what I am seeing makes me very happy. I am praying that I get to see the great awakening that will come from it.